Vannology

Okay, for the ones I was close with in high school, HOW MUCH DOUBT DID I HAVE IN MYSELF WHEN I TOLD MYSELF ABOUT JOHN JAY??? For the ones who don’t know, I always felt limited and told myself I wouldn’t be able to make it because of their acceptance rate and their application rate. Which seemed very intimidating and was the reason I skipped criminal justice and ran to medicine. Which is so fucking ironic how I still came back to it. I didn’t even study medicine like I had backed up for myself. It might just be what’s destined for me. Or just never do it. Either or, it doesn’t matter.

I am now a student at John Jay and can graduate with not one, but two degrees from there in as little as 4 years. 4 years might seem like a long time, considering I’m a transfer student, but if I can leave with TWO degrees in what I will consider one shot, IMA RIDE MY 4 YEARS. I hope my excitement can be picked up with the caps because I have no other way of expressing it while typing.

I feel so productive knowing I’m doing something. Yeah, I have a great job that takes up most of my life, but it wasn’t for myself. It wasn’t working for me; I still don’t see myself expanding my career in the job I am currently in. The position I can reach is something that isn’t even of interest to me, I wouldn’t want it. I love what I do, I don’t think it’s for me forever though. The amount of stress I have endured, and the number of memories I have skipped with my child is enough to give me the strength to do things for myself. I wasted a lot on a job that wouldn’t even consider half the things I sacrificed. The reason I also took forever to return was the resources I had when leaving London behind. I can now afford to go to school because she’s in school also. Knowing she is also spending time developing skills and building friendships.

Genuinely, I am beyond happy I returned. I am glad I went back, for myself. For my satisfaction, for my comfort in feeling myself again. These last three weeks have been so busy yet filled with so much for me. These last three weeks I have been blessed with opportunities school has given me, such as being a part of the FDNY, which is insane to me. BUT SO FUCKING EXCITING! I even got offered a paid job, offering me school credits, every test necessary for qualification, and then a promised job?!?! This is really what I needed, to do shit for myself again.

Also, ran into my little jellybean talking to my dad about how funny my professor is (asynchronous classes make me do webinars), then proceeded to talk about how much effort I’ve been putting on my homework at home. The joy I felt was unbearable, why? Because it feels good to know she recognizes what I am doing. In a few years, she would understand what that little sacrifice was and its entire worth.

I have always vouched and screamed; that school isn’t for everyone. I still do, but if you need to hear this right now, RETURN TO SCHOOL FOR YOURSELF AND YOU ONLY. It’s worth it, now, in the long run, and your career.