Vannology

Wondering if well return to what we were once.
Wondering if you still feel the same way for me.
Wondering if you still see our forever. I do.
Struggling to show you love, affection and desire.
Struggling to tell you how badly I want this to work.
Struggling to leave behind bad habits, the one I once put a pause on.
Realizing we went too far again, can we return?
Realizing we might not, my heart aches.
Realizing I might never want to express myself to you, my heart aches.
Hearing your screams of pain, hurts.
Hearing where I’m failing, hurts so much.
Scared you’ll find what I lack elsewhere. I mean, you’ve said it.
Scared I won’t find the strength to express my affection.
Scared I won’t tell you I want us again because of the pain you caused me. My heart aches.
I won’t ever take anything from you anymore.
I won’t tell you what bothers me. Never. I’ll just take it.
I won’t ever want anything more than your love.
I won’t seek a shoulder to cry on anymore.
I won’t ever want to overstep my boundaries.
Replaying your hurtful truth, your pain, my heart aches.
We might never return to what we once were.
We might never see each other the way we once did.